This Day In History (1910) Monster Ranger Icarus Wegneer Smith stumbled into a Klowna town (Whistleville) and was soon scheduled to be tortured in eaten in a number of disturbing and exasperating ways. (Klownas are not simple horrors.)

Listening to some of the problems of the Whistlevillians, he learned that they were having troubles with the neighboring junkyard village of Trollas, who had a particular taste for Klowna meat.

Icarus then managed to escape, and made his way to the Trolla village, where he too was captured and prepared to be devoured. It was a heck of a day.

Through the use of “candy words” and “saccharine songs” he managed to talk the the Trollas into NOT eating him, and to stop their attacks on Whistleville.

Once he got the two sides to stop fighting (and trying to eat him) Icarus convinced the two groups to have an annual festival where each side would present poems of the heart, instead of just eating hearts.

He then returned to his Base, where his primary job was to send and receive radio broadcasts.

Icarus Wegneer Smith was a Signal Ranger, and he was soon promoted.